#((Ignore me. I'm just rambling because I'm distraught ^^;))

[logosbot-tm]

I'm not even a shipper but I did see a post (and several tbh) about Mumbo's death in wild life being turned into Mumbo being a rebound/replacement for Scar??? It's so weird even as a nonshipper I know Grian and Mumbo have been iconically Like That (and everybody knows it and jokes about it) for years. I'm convinced a chunk of this fanbase just skips through video

I will say that I'm not fully sure why this was sent to me, but yeah, I've seen it too. Gonna take off the shipping goggles for a hot sec.

(More below the cut...like a lot more, this ended up as a long ass ramble)

Mumbo's treatment within fandom is rather... odd, in my opinion. He gets pushed to the side a lot, he's treated as if he's pathetic (which yes, Ik that the "wet cat" thing is a joke, but when he's consistently portrayed as pathetic you start to wonder), he's treated as a replacement/rebound for Scar, Grian and his interactions are spun into being about Desert Duo (yes, I've seen this happen multiple times, its weird), disloyal, completely incompetent, and when he died he was immediately talked about as "The new canary".

Which

1) That was Jimmy's curse, why are you trying to apply it to someone else who doesn't fit?

2) No, Mumbo wasn't the first one out when the curse was first broken, that was Lizzie

Mumbo and Grian's friendship is also treated as Not As Important As Desert Duo™️. Grian being distraught about Mumbo's death? Nah, let's focus on Desert Duo being friends instead. Grian bringing Mumbo (and Skizz) back to life? Let's focus on the fact that Scar and Grian flew around together (which is cute don't get me wrong). Mumbo killing Grian after being instructed to do so? Let's talk about how this a Desert Duo parallel.

Hell, Grian and Mumbo's friendship isn't even the biggest "victim" of being twisted as only existing to further the Desert Duo narrative. The friendship that has been most affected by it (within fandom ofc), is Grian and BigB's friendship.

Which, is even odder to me. Grian and BigB have known each other for ages, Grian went and looked for BigB himself (because He Wanted To Be Secret Soulmates), Grian said in 3rd life that he didn't want to kill BigB, and the two of them have known each other for long as hell and have even travelled to Sweden together irl (wayback in like 2017).

There's a lot to say about the fandom's treatment of BigB but yeah, not what this post is about.

It's very difficult to interact with fandom content within both the Life Series and Hermitcraft nowadays. You can't escape Desert Duo or Scarian, even if you try. A lot of the time another ship tag, duo tag, or character tag ends up clogged with Desert Duo/Scarian stuff, and if you block the tag it gets filled with blacked out post saying "This post contains Scarian, do you want to see it anyway?" (<can't remember the exact wording), and often UNTAGGED Scarian/Desert Duo posts pop up in other tags, often tagged with another ship that has nothing to do with the post (<Seen this happen a few times in the Grumbo tag). The Scaridarity tag is filled with Scarian posts, which makes it hella annoying to go through/follow that tag.

And yes. Grian and Mumbo have been a duo since... 2017? 2018? Somewhere around there. They're genuinely close as all hell, having gone on a roadtrip together, and having travelled to Sweden together. They both put references to each other in their videos all the time, they have a robot son named after their (at the time) duo/ship name, and in the life series they've been on a team 2/3 times + they always base closely on Hermitcraft (more than once they've linked their bases, more than once they've had a messaging system).

But nowadays that's largely ignored/pushed to the side, and for a little while there was this odd idea about a "Grumbo divorce".

Which, yes I know it was a joke, but also...what???

On the Hermitcraft server, the Hermits doesn't interact all the time. It's literary called /Hermit/-craft. Often, this is because the Hermits are busy with their own projects, things irl, or they just don't interact. This doesn't mean that a ship is getting "divorced" or anything. Hell, it's a ship. The shipping shouldn't be your main focus when watching a video. The shipping is just something for fun.

So yeah, it was weird to see the "Grumbo divorce" jokes be made, when they're still very close, and Are Still Like That™️ about each other.

There's also this odd thing I've noticed within the fandom, where people can't let Grian and Scar do things on their own without twisting it into Scarian.

No, I promise that in the escape room video that Scar wasn't in, Grian didn't think at all about the fandom's headcanon that Scar is a vex.

All this being said, I also have to say that:

I don't hate Scarian. Does it frustrate me? Yes! Very much so.

But that's because of the fandom. I am a Scarian shipper, I enjoy Scarian, and I enjoy Desert Duo a lot. The fandom has made that experience a lot less enjoyable, because of the weird treatment of other people, because you can't escape it even if you try, because everything gets twisted into Scarian/Desert Duo all the time.

It's frustrating, because it's barely the Hermitcraft or the life series fandom anymore, it's basically the Scarian fandom.

Which, fine, I get it. Its the biggest ship, and I understand the enjoyment of it, nothing wrong with that.

But there's other people on both servers, other duos, other teams, and I promise you everything isn't about Scarian all the time.

I think that Scarian shippers/Desert Duo enjoyers mainly watch Scar's videos, with shipping goggles already on, and then they watch Grian's. They read into things that genuinely doesn't matter, all to further the narrative of Scarian. (I'm not saying everyone does this, or that they do it on purpose, but it comes across as such.)

I can't say that I haven't read too much into something because of a ship, hell, I've been here for Mumbo and Grian as a duo since before the duo even existed.

But to me it feels as if it's going a tad bit too far now.

I keep seeing more and more people get frustrated and tired of Scarian/Scarians, and I get it entirely. I see this happen from multiple corners, from multiple people.

Also, Grian and Mumbo are a duo to such an extent that the Hermits comment and joke about it, hell, even non-Hermits do that. I mean Tommyinnit straight up said "You (Grian) and Mumbo come as a pair".

I'd also like to mention the odd treatment of Grumboers from Scarian. Yes, I know that some Grumbo shippers have entered the Scarian tag just to hate on it, don't do that. Just... genuinely, don't do that, what the hell are you even doing actually.

But when Scar said that people were "Annoyed with him and Grian teaming together all the time" (Which they haven't done. They've interacted a lot, which ain't surprising. They're p good friends), there was an odd wave of posts I saw that blamed Grumboers?

I assure you, that whole thing wasn't our fault. People who've complained about that have done so in the YouTube comments, on reddit, and ofc some have done so on twitter (which is just an awful cesspool of negativity, which is why I don't use it).

It's not our fault. A lot of Grumbo shippers are also Desert Duo enjoyers/Scarian shippers. I mean, I am.

There's also this odd narrative that "Grumbo shippers never experienced this much hate when Grumbo was the biggest ship"

Which is just blatantly false.

In the past, people got hate and death threats for shipping. Didn't matter what you shipped, you got hate for it.

At the time, there was a bunch of posts, much more negatively charged than this one, where people went "This isn't the Mumbo and Grian fandom, stop treating it as such." There were a lot of posts about how Grumboers were annoying as all hell, and how we clogged tags. There were straight up hate posts being spread, often by the majority of the fandom.

Shipping with in the Hermitcraft fandom wasn't accepted at all, and Zombiecleo got bullied of off tumblr for saying that she didn't care if people were engaging in shipping.

I'm glad that shipping is accepted now, because by god it was an awful time, but don't say that "Grumbo shippers never had it this bad". We had it a lot worse. Shippers as a whole had it a lot worse. Don't pretend like it didn't happen, and don't try to act as if it's only Scarian shippers that have been hated.

In all honesty, I'm just tired of all of this. Like really tired. I'm tired of seeing everything get twisted into Scarian/Desert Duo, I'm tired of the ignorance of the fandom's past, and I'm tired of seeing hate aimed at any ship/shippers

But I do think that its time to leave the desert. It's not fun to be in the fandom anymore due to the behaviour. Sure, keep shipping, keep having fun. But for God's sake please stay in your lane, tag your things properly, and please stop trying to force Scarian/Desert Duo upon everyone.

I don't think that the hate is deserved, but everything isn't about Desert Duo.

This is most likely the only time I'll make a post like this, and I'm only making it because I'm finally fed up and tired.

Thank you for the ask.

[thewallshaveeyes]

I took a stab at drawing the goat's narinder (pupinder? Naripup?) And came up with this. Him being a samoyed just feels right to me. But tbh? I have NO CLUE what to do with the bishops (random ramblings below the cut)

So like. Pup narinder, I imagine him as being the bishop of life and light, and being just super sweet. And the thing is, I imagine he says pretty much the same stuff Narinder does, but the way he words it gives it an ENTIRELY different meaning.

"I still have need of you" -> implies that the lamb is a tool for Narinder to use. He can't throw them away just yet, because there is still some use left in them. Defines them by their usefulness

"I still require your services" -> puts more value on the goat's abilities to act if that makes sense. Acknowledges that the goat is a being that is capable of making decisions on its own and puts trust in the idea that it'll use its abilities to help him. Defines it by its autonomy.

i also imagine him talking about sacrifice in a much different way. Instead of seeing sacrifice as cashing in souls like currency, I feel like he'd see it as a mercy. "Why allow your followers to slowly work themselves to death, living in pain and fatigue until they give out, when you can offer them a smooth transition into the afterlife?"

Also because of this personality swap, the idea of him betraying his siblings out of pride doesn't make as much sense. What do I propose, then? Easy! As the bishop of light and life, he couldn't stand to see followers suffering for any slight against his siblings, so he took those in who needed respite. He offered an oasis to those unfaithful to his siblings, and when that happened, his siblings got PISSED because they saw that as him stealing their followers. So, they tried to confront him and take back their followers, only for narinder to defend his followers by maiming his siblings. This caused the others to chain him up in the gateway and either sacrifice or convert the rest of his followers.

Now, with all of this, I have several ideas for the bishops but can't really use them all.

Idea 1: Domain swap. Everything stays pretty much the same except for their domains (and consequently their colors). Heket would be plague, Leshy would be war, Shamura famine, and Kallamar chaos. (Honestly zero clue what to do with the colors OR crowns for that matter. Keep the same crowns? Crowns change colors, too??? -\('–')/-)

Idea 2: Species swap. They turn into slant-variants of each of their species (which changes their colors, too). Heket could be a frog, maybe Leshy is an isopod or something, Kallamar would be an octopus (duh), and Shamura could maybe be a bat?? Centipede?? (Thinkin of something that lives in a cave maybe. Scorpion?)

Idea 3: Domain inversion. This could work in tandem with the previous one but anyways. Idea being that their domains invert (just like Narinder's) which causes personality changes. Leshy could be the bishop of order, causing him to be a MASSIVE control freak who panics when the goat comes back (making him more cowardly like Kallamar). Heket could be the bishop of gluttony, causing her to give the goat more of the benefit of the doubt (making her more understanding like Shamura). Kallamar could be the bishop of vitality, seeing the goat as nothing more than an insignificant worm and underestimating its power (making him more assured like Leshy). Shamura could be the bishop of stagnation/sloth, dissuaded and distraught by the goat's challenge to the old faith (making them more vengeful like Heket).

Of the ideas, I'm most attached to the third. Plus with the personality swaps, their injuries could also swap. Heket could be think no evil since she was the most open-minded, Shamura could be see no evil because they were ignorant to the world around them, Leshy could be hear no evil since he refused to give anyone else a voice, and Kallamar could be speak no evil since he was a loudmouth.

What are we thinking, chat? Thoughts? Comments? Ideas?

Aside/edit: with idea #3 (which I'm more and more attached to as I write this), that could be interesting bcs it would recontextualize each bishops' patterns in their boss fights.

Take Kallamar for example. For the lamb, he is terrified of fighting them, which is seen when he pretty much just button mashes doing everything he can to keep that fuckin thang away from him. You can tell that he's panicking during the boss fight from how erratic his movement is. But in the goat's universe, Kallamar's fighting style could be indicative of his disregard for the goat's existence, moreso swatting him away like a pesky mosquito. Inversely, Leshy's fight with the lamb not only shows that he has no clue what the fuck he's doing, but that he doesn't think the lamb does, either. He doesn't even try to hit the lamb physically until well into the battle. For the goat, however, this could be out of fear. Leshy is terrified of the goat, trying as hard as possible to avoid it until he desperately resorts to smacking it around just to kill it. I know that none of this has any bearing on what we see of the goat in the lamb's cult, but it could help explain some of the confusion the goat experiences when it interacts with the lamb's bishops for the first time.

[mymarifae]

idk how to put this exactly but I 100% get what u mean. Sometimes a gacha game will somehow actually have good writing (like. Actually decent acknowledgement of real world issues that isn't perfect but shows CARE) and then it does something that just fucking puts a hole in your stomach for no fucking reason and it's like. It had no reason to do that and it fucking hurts to lose that little bit of faith u had. Sorry if this is written incomprehensiblely I hope. Idk I hope they fix that shit even if it's unlikely

oh no you misunderstand ! i wasn't upset yesterday because mizu5 was written badly. i was upset because it hit so fucking hard it sent me into a bit of a mental breakdown but we don't need to talk about that HAHAAAAAA

i still think it's bizarre to like. not immediately continue an event that quite literally removes a character from the game's "real world" and changes all of her menu sprites and voicelines. like wdym we have to go watch vbs beach episode after this (unless akito5 IS a continuation but that's highly unlikely...???????) . but the event itself did play out really well. and an event having a direct impact on the game's like... UI and shit is really cool and they should totally do this again sometime if the opportunity arises. it just hurt like a fucking bitch

i honestly do feel like the trans route is more likely than the cross-dresser route. after seeing. everything. i still don't know how to articulate it fully but just the specific way mizuki's classmates were talking about her. the "(she's) kinda cute if you ignore how weird (she) is" shit idr the exact comment... and the way they call ena a "normal" girl - meaning that even though they're actively misgendering her, they don't exactly see mizuki as a boy either, but instead as some kind of weird Other. a very apt representation of transmisogyny i'd say.

and just mizuki's reaction to ena finding out as a whole. the revelation that she wasn't really afraid of nightcord not accepting her - i think she knew they wouldn't exactly care. what really scared her was being looked at differently. nightcord was the first time she's been accepted into a group of people as just... a girl. not a trans girl. not a "girl who used to be a boy." she could just exist and be herself and no one's giving her any side eyes or whispering behind her back or walking on eggshells around her, because they don't know. they thought she was a cis girl, and having a space where she passes perfectly made her really happy. she was just scared of change. because like sometimes you come out to people and they do accept you (at least to your face) but YOU are no longer the first thing they see. they see your gender/sexuality first instead. and treat you differently because of that

IDK I'M RAMBLING but like. i feel a little more hopeful... this could still end badly but this feels so much more like a trans narrative than anything else. so far it's going well. it hurts a lot, but it feels real. i was just distraught because mizuki is such an important character to me and i wasn't like, emotionally prepared to see her in so much pain LOL 😭😭 i feel better and more normal about it now tho

[spiteful-crow]

Ok, but what if

Jon is NOT gone.

I described in length here why I don't think Jon reintegrated into Sherlock's psyche at the end of Chapter One and how I think he is just gone.

However, there is an additional theory I have and I would like to talk about. So what if Jon is gone but not GONE gone?

This rambling is based on overthinking every line in these games, so keep that in mind as you continue reading. Also, I'm likely coping very hard here because I love Jon with all my heart.

First and foremost, I will treat Jon as a sentient being here. I imagine Sherlock and Jon like two flowers planted in one pot. Jon is a personification of Sherlock's love for life and himself; still, Jon is portrayed as having a consciousness. He not only has his own opinions and personality, he also has feelings. E.g. he describes the feeling of being ignored by Sherlock as a "punch in the gut ", he experiences anxiety when forced to face the nature of his existence, etc.

To explain why I don't think Jon vanished completely, I will start by explaining how I read the events of Chapter One from Jon's perspective.

Sherlock created Jon because he was lonely; he wanted to be happy and loved, so he placed his own self-love into Jon and made him his biggest fan and a neverending source of motivation to pursue the more fun parts of life. Jon provided a certain balance in Sherlock's life and also acted as his moral compass. However, Jon struggled with the nature of his existence from the very beginning. The memory at the theatre shows him being distraught by the audience's inability to see him. He refuses to keep this memory; even when he and Sherlock recall it ten years later, he never addresses it in his diary. He jokes about how excellent his performance was, but he is in denial that it ever happened the way it happened. The memories hurt Jon, who feels like a real person but never gets to live as one. The only thing in Jon's life that affirms that he exists at all is Sherlock, and it's a great source of anxiety to depend on someone so completely. 

During Chapter One, we witness the impact Sherlock's memories have on Jon. He asks Sherlock twice to let it go because the memories hurt him, and they hurt him because he exists to love and protect Sherlock. Therefore, Jon's whole purpose is threatened if Sherlock refuses to be protected by him; in a way, if Sherlock chooses to remember and, therefore, be hurt, he rejects everything Jon stands for, everything he was created for.

And yes, I'm convinced Jon mostly cares for Sherlock's well-being, but he isn't entirely selfless either. There isn't a conscious being that can be entirely selfless. He is in the unique position in which every single action of another person is directly tied to him and affects him. Every time Sherlock chooses not to listen to him, his role in Sherlock's life becomes more and more unsteady, which terrifies him. They can't be close and united if they don't share the same values. I think the worst thing that could happen to Jon is to end up being irrelevant and ignored by Sherlock, but being forced to continue existing regardless.

Now, I will just post this journal entry, which Jon writes if Sherlock ends up killing someone.

This is how this reads to me: Jon can't bear watching Sherlock become a murderer, but he is not only concerned for Sherlock; he also doesn't want to feel the pain of watching Sherlock change like this. He doesn't want Sherlock to alienate himself from him. This is what I mean when I say that Jon is not selfless. He doesn't want Sherlock to be hurt, but he doesn't want to hurt either. Another thing I see here is him posing the question if the has a choice, and at least at this point, we can conclude that the answer is no. This is an important point for this post.

Now, I will come to the end of the game. After Sherlock enters the garden and begins regaining his memories, we have yet another scene of Jon begging Sherlock to talk to him and saying he is scared.

I think this shows pretty well how anxious he is about becoming irrelevant or even invisible to Sherlock. The end scene in the garden is everything Jon fears slowly coming true. And it doesn't end there. No, it culminates with Sherlock denying to acknowledge Jon as a person.

And this, in my opinion, is the moment Jon knew he wants to disappear. He barely interacts with Sherry after this, except for asking why Mycroft is there after Mycroft poses the question if "Jon is worth it". We still don't know what Mycroft means, but it's implied he thinks Jon isn't worth "it", which is kinda rubbing more salt into Jon's wound haha :'). Hell, Jon doesn't even intervene in the scene where Sherlock pulls a gun on his brother, he stays on the bench.

As I said in my previous post, I see all four endings as bitter. Even in the two endings in which you blame Otto, the last interaction between Sherlock and Jon lacks the usual warmth between them. I think it's because Jon is quite bitter himself. He is hurting a lot. He tries to reminisce about their times together and says his life hasn't been wholly in vain, but he is just done with it at this point. He is leaving, but not only for Sherlock's sake; he is leaving because he can't bear the pain of staying with Sherlock after being called a lie by him, especially because Sherlock hates lies. Jon has protected Sherlock for years, but Sherlock thinks it was wrong, and Jon's whole purpose is put into question. Sherlock has always been the only person to believe in Jon, and from Jon's perspective, he no longer does.

Don't get me wrong, I don't think he leaves out of spite. I simply think he'd rather vanish than feel obsolete.

I think this post is getting rather long, so I will just get to the point. Why do I think Jon is not GONE gone? Because he implied he has no choice than to witness what's happening to Sherlock, no matter how much it hurts him. And because Sherlock keeps addressing him during The Awakened in a way that suggests, that he still might be somewhere.

Yes, Sherlock misses Jon and he is desperate, so him talking to Jon shouldn't mean much in this regard, but still, Sherlock doesn't seem to believe that Jon is gone.

He seems to believe that Jon is still watching him from somewhere (from Heaven? Why are you looking at the ceiling, Sherry?) and is fully able to make an appearance and "intervene" if he wants to. Of course, Sherlock doesn't know everything, but honestly, I agree with him. Because why would Jon have the ability to erase himself from existence? If he could simply erase things, he would have likely erased Sherlock's memories of Violet's death. However, he has the ability to conceal things, like memories, so it's not unlikely that he can conceal himself too.

I think Jon is still somewhere deep inside Sherlock's mind. We already know he can disappear whenever something makes him uncomfortable (like Dilwyn), so I'd like to think that he disappeared in the same way during the ending too. I think he is dormant right now. And he is hurt. But he is there. I don't think Jon can die unless Sherlock dies.

[hurryupmerlin]

My beloved Mal belongs to @riinoaheartilly

_______________

"How many sex partners did you have?" Mal asks while his hand draws lazy circles on Ami's bare shoulder.

It's a good time to ask things that would otherwise never be addressed. Heads still woozy with happiness and systems flooded with cuddle hormones so soon after their interlude makes for loose tongues.

"You tell first."

"When I was younger, a couple guys in the showers,” Mal muses. “Nothing serious; we had no idea what we were doing. After the war started I had a guy I met up with every now and then. Hated his guts but he knew how to get the job done."

"How could you sleep with someone you hated?"

Mal shrugs nonchalantly.

"We weren't allowed to stab each other. Had to find a way to resolve our conflicts differently."

"But you liked it?"

"Admittedly." He smirks. "What about you, what's your body count?"

Looking up at the ceiling, Ami answers after a few seconds of reflection: "Sex partners... Just you."

Mal's hand stops its monotonous circular movement and withdraws. He exhales audibly through his nose. For a moment he considers ignoring the statement and moving over to the next topic, but then he speaks out loud what he had been thinking way too often since he met Ami:

"Why do you always lie to me?"

He's used to Ami avoiding the truth, but he can't stop the disappointment from dripping from his every syllable.

In Ami's ears, the accusation rings even worse. He avoids Mal's gaze.

"I'm not lying," he asserts.

But maybe he should've lied. Should've said any number worthy of a nod and a chuckle. Should've made something up about a girl back home or another slave in the camp. Should've let Mal think that he had learned taking dick like everyone else did and that he'd just always been blessed with so little gag reflex, no story behind that.

A tight knot forms in his stomach. He doesn't want to talk about it, but he doesn't want to lie to Mal either. Now he regrets that he didn't stop the question in the first place. He wanted to know more about Mal and that lured him in. Perhaps Mal would have been ready for the second round already, that certainly would've distracted him enough from digging any deeper. Anyway, it's too late now.

Mal just shakes his head.

"Thought we were over hiding our pasts from each other. My mistake."

"Mal...," Ami tries again, struggling for words.

"Never mind," Mal says dismissively and straightens up. The worst thing about it, Ami figures, is that he doesn't even seem angry. Just done.

Mal swings his legs over the edge of the bed, about to leave and Ami sits up quickly, rocks forward and presses his face against Mal's back, wrapping his arms around his lover's hips.

Mal stills and hangs his head.

"I'm sorry," Ami mumbles against Mal's warm skin. "It's– I– I don't want to talk about... It's hard for me to talk about some things."

"That's okay." A cybernetic hand tenderly comes to rest over Ami's. "Don't worry, I still love you."

Being able to hide behind Mal without having to look him in the eye helps.

"I know what you think." Ami can't help the tremor in his voice. What he says next feels like chewing glass. "But lying on your back crying, while someone forces themself in... that isn't sex. Sucking a dick because you're so hungry you already fainted twice that day and desperately want to earn a treat isn't sex."

His voice breaks.

"But Mal, I love you. When I'm sleeping with you it's because I want you. Your kisses make me hard, and I can't get enough of your hands. And the way you say my name... makes it sound like an endearment instead of an insult."

He had hoped he could finish his monologue with a bit of dignity, but no. The tears find their way out and Ami's words crumble into sobs under the strain. The way he's crying now, he's too distraught to filter what comes next as he rambles on:

"And... sometimes you make me laugh while we're at it, how insane is that? I never even knew that was possible. Gosh, when– when you touch me, it feels so right. In my book, that is sex. And I only had sex with you, Mal. No one else."

Mal doesn't move or speak for a whole agonizing minute, just squeezes the hand under his.

He finds it difficult to unpack and sort everything that Ami has served him. The meaning of what he has just learned creeps into him like smoke into lungs. It constricts his throat, sharp-edged and indigestible.

Eventually he says a quiet "I'm sorry."

A multitude of grief and shame hangs in the air, heavy and dark. After all of Ami's words, he feels as if he's supposed to say more, balance it out, and do some healing. But words fail him.

"Only you," Ami says weakly, like a mantra, as his lips graze over the ridges of Mal's spine.

Mal's reply is quiet and soft: "Only you."

[abrushwithdeath]

((So last night was one of the worst nights of my life and I’m currently running on MAYBE 3 hours of sleep because I just can’t seem to let my mind calm down. When I tell you that my cats are my babies, I mean it. I’ve had them since they were itty bitty. And Leia, in particular, was my baby. She’s always clung to me and snuggled with me and been affectionate with me, even when she was too anxious to be that close with anyone else. I’m not trying to be dramatic, but I felt my whole world just... implode in on me yesterday and even with distractions it’s just been a constant aching. Her brother, Luke, I think has only just started to realize that something’s wrong and that’s breaking my heart all over, because he’s been wandering up and down the hall crying and coming to me, not for pets and affection like usual, but to lead me out to the living room like he wants me to look for her with him and I’m just... I’m not okay. The concert on Tuesday was one of the best days of my life. And now I’m sitting here living through the grief of one of the worst and this whole week has felt like the worst rollercoaster ride ever. Anyway- Our (my sister’s and my) friend, who had just left on Thursday, made the 5+ hour drive back here last night to be with us because she’s literally the sweetest person ever and she knows how important our kitties are to us. Even our dad is making the 2 hour drive up to see us today because he’s concerned. Our sister was going to come with him, but her husband had minor surgery yesterday and can’t be left alone to watch the kids (which is understandable and she’s also the one who stayed on the phone with us for 2 or so hours last night while we all but had full mental breakdowns). So despite all the awful of it, it’s nice to know that we have people who understand just how important our kitty was to us. Like, I know some people would just be like “Sorry, that’s a bummer” and then, beyond that, not care because it was just a pet. But, like, I hate that. I hate when people are like “it’s just a pet” because to me it’s never been that way; they’re family. We buy our cats Christmas and birthday presents, give them extra treats on Halloween like they’re little trick or treaters. Everything. She was a whole little life with a personality (bratty, talkative, sassy, independent as heck, goofy, snuggly) and favorite foods (she never cared for fish or seafood, but chicken was her favorite) and a favorite toy (a little pink bunny that she’s toted around with her since she was a baby). She liked being carried around in fabric grocery bags (especially the small blue ones from walmart) because she was little and she liked to be tall and lazy and she’d lie there with her little head sticking out of the bag all excited to be carried around. And she’d sit on the back of the couch and try to climb on my shoulder if I had ANY food because she always insisted that she was starving. And I’m gonna miss her talking back whenever I spoke to her, because neither of our other cats do that. And her high pitched lil yell when she wanted your attention. Or stepping out of my room in the morning to her sitting at the end of the hall, ready to lead me to the treat drawer in the kitchen. And I’m gonna miss trying to go to sleep and her climbing onto my chest and repeatedly rubbing her head against my face for, like, 5 minutes of snuggles and kisses before she’d finally lay down and go to sleep. And the fact that she’s the only cat I’ve ever had who has insisted on playing in your hair after a shower. She’s not gonna crawl under my blankets this winter and snuggle against my thigh bc she hates the cold. I just miss her so much. And I’m still in shock and I just... I dunno. Everything feels really wrong right now and I hate knowing that I’m not gonna look up from my laptop and see her standing in my doorway, waiting for me to call her to come into my room for pets. I can’t believe I’m never gonna get to hold her again or boop her nose again or anything. It doesn’t feel real and I’m in a place I haven’t been in years and it’s... it’s not great. But we’re going to take her to get her cremated so we can keep her with us. And I’m just gonna be offline for a while today, but will gladly welcome distractions later tonight. 

TL;DR: Last night one of my kitties passed away and I’m not doing so great so I just rambled about how much I love her and idk, I kinda don’t know how to cope.))

[travelling-on-the-octopath]

I just read "Ossification". The title is thoughtful and perfect for the story. But I love the opening. Let me just gush about the opening.

The rambling about the semantics of his haunting office decor was just so Claude - obsessing at the finer details to make. It also sets the grim tone of him in the middle of losing his head in a downward spiral post-GW.

The symbolism of the stag is quite powerful too. I interpreted it as his conscience dead but lingering - judging his every action and reminding him of how much of a failure he is being.

It's a sad detail that he's drinking. It felt like he is starting to abuse alcohol to drown all of the stress he is experiencing.

It's morbidly amusing how the war is going for him. Adrestia was held at bay but definitely recuperating for another round. Faerghus is very far from being a tame lion as a neighbor. The alliance with Leicester just screams teeth-clenched teamwork.

Reading your description of Failnaught looking teary-eyed is making me distraught. Who told you it was okay to do that?

Is it my own failing that I cannot, for the life of me, say who is Dimitri's right-hand man? I thought of Felix at first but then Dedue acts like that too. Also, poor Sylvain.

"…asking if he was in the mood to invade his territory again as a means of talking…"

Ouch. Ouch. Ouch.

"Claude felt hunted by that stag on his wall. He should take it down.

He had to take it down."

There is a sense of horror in here imo. I mentioned that I took the stag as a symbol of conscience. It's hanging there and suffocating Claude… and he wants to take it down. The idea of Claude removing all sense of morality and dignity is chilling. And this is compounded by the next lines:

"He set down his glass and went over to the wall, stepping on the letters from lords and emperors and people who had managed to bribe royal messengers into delivering their concerns to the king himself as he reached up"

Claude is trampling on his people's pleas for his own convenience. He is ignoring the cries just so he can make himself feel better.

“You’ll need those.”

Dimitri's entrance is both relieving and hilarious. It's perfect at cutting the tension built up.

I'll get into the rest of the story. But I just have to gush about the solid opening first. It's just beautiful.

AAAAA I really do love it when people pick up on the details 😊

Yeah, Claude is . . . so royally fucked lol. Adrestia's not having their about-face, and Faerghus isn't exactly eager to ally with them beyond a "we won't kill you."

Usually when I refer to Dimitri's right hand, it's Felix, if only because it seems like the wording of "right-hand" is reserved for him, despite the fact that the role itself is one that Dedue and Felix play a game of hot potato with.

Claude in Ossification is a right fucking mess, as I'm sure you've probably gleaned by now lol. I had fun writing it, even if I probably would have taken a couple thousand more words, maybe, to really hammer it home. But hearing this made my day :') thank you so much. It really does tickle my writer's brain to see people pick up what I put down.

[daveslutstaine]

Insane ramble bellow. Read at your own risk

You know ever since I found out that the link between organized crime and the music world is more than likely true, the more certain things make sense to me. The lack of diversity with pop music within the past decades makes so much more sense once you factor in the money laundering going on behind the scenes. Think about it, going outside the norm is considered risk-taking behavior, something that the entertainment world has already established it hates because it could mean losing money, something that of course is not gonna go well not just with your run of mil record label, but even more so if those behind the label are using it as a front. I also find it extremely telling the music industry we know today started out as money laundering scam by a guy with mob connections and no that is not a joke. The dude that founded MCA, which we now know as UMG, started it as a mob front. Everything makes sense now. The fact that most music has had the tendency to sound the same for decades now, the fact that so many labels keep their artists on a tight leash to prevent them from doing anything that might make them lose money, the fact that artists are treated as money making machines than actual people, the fact that so many artists have had complaints with the labels of missing payments or money just suddenly going *poof* despite labels writing off that thousands of dollars went to paying the artists. The fact that corruption in the music industry goes all the way back that so many radio hosts back in the 70s and 80s stated they were threatened by random dudes sent in by the labels to get the hosts to rig the system and get certain artists more playtime as a scheme to get them on the charts despite no one actually listening to them. The whole rigging of SoundScan and the stream farms of the modern day and how Spotify does nothing to prevent it. The connections that many artists and higher ups in the music world have with the criminal underground and the fact that it's been confirmed that bands like The Who have had their first few albums boosted by mob money. The weird deaths and the existence of the Death Clause. It all makes sense now.

I actually wonder how many artists are aware of this and how many of them feel this way. How many of them know their album sales aren't real and it's just a rigging of the system by the higher ups. How many of them are aware that the millions of views they get on Youtube, and the followers they get on social media are more likely than not bots in order to boost them up. I'm actually curious to know how many artists' careers are organic and not artificial, or how much of it is organic, real growth and success and how much of it is fake. Tbh I feel really bad for the artists that are completely ignorant of all of this. I cannot imagine how it must feel to see all those positive numbers, only to later find out that it's all a sham. It's all a lie, your whole career is a lie, it's nothing more than a cover up for the worst kinds of people imaginable. People who make their living off of murder, drug and human trafficking, and extortion. To say I would be distraught if I ever found out about would be an understatement.

[rhodeythebetta]

Had a weird dream last night where I was in the car with my mom and I was able to see through the roof of our car and there was a bunch of really cool looking pigeons all over the power lines. (We do actually have a lot of pigeons here, but these were basically looking like pokemon knockoffs in a pigeon body) Anyway! I'm staring at the pigeons and rambling about how someday I'd like a pigeon, but I need my own place to live and space and I'll need 2 because they're social and my mom is kind of annoyed and ignoring me (typical). And out of nowhere I reached out the top of the car (which is now magically a convertible ig???) And I have a pigeon in my hands! Gorgeous boy, all purple and white, I got super excited and very loudly announced that I was going to name him Toby. My mom asked me where I was planning to keep him and when I looked at her to answer he disappeared. Like, didn't escape, wasn't flying away, just poof! gone! I was so distraught that I woke myself up.

[rewrite-canon]

Fifteen Minutes

Monster Prom // No Pairings // 2609 Words // Lyrics by Mike Krol

“What if I told you that the world was gonna end? And you had fifteen minutes to spend with me or your friends?” Vicky sings, bobbing her head to the tune that seemed to be playing in her head.

“What lame shit are you singing now?” Damien demanded, flicking a finger at her.

“None of your business,” Vicky bristled. “Why do you care anyway?”

I sucked in a breath. Vicky was really pushing it now. I think she is the only one with balls low enough to question Damien. Besides me, obviously. Well, Vera and Brian were plenty badass for it too. But only because Vera had enough brain cells to manipulate the way she said it that it looked like she wasn’t confronting him, and also because Brian gave no fucks whatsoever about Damien’s chaotic behaviour. Even now, I shudder to think of some of the arguments Damien and Brian had had.

And speaking of the devil and his green mates, they were huddled together in a manner that only meant no good. Now, Damien had swivelled around to face Vicky, a sneer on his face. I was sure his eyes would flare in rage at her question (they were always somewhat flared with rage), but instead they narrowed and Damien just frowned.

“Because you're distracting me, Brian and Vera from devising a plan to ransack the new substitute’s office with horny epileptics from hell for when he starts looking at our attendance records,” Damien said, gesturing to Brian, who had looked up blankly, and Vera, who was wearing her trademark scowl.

I should've known. Damien had always had a weird soft spot for Vicky (and Oz and Scott, but everybody had a soft spot for Oz and Scott).

“And steal his things,” Vera added. “I heard ghouls were filthy rich.”

“Great,” Brian rolled his eyes sarcastically at her. “So you're just going to waltz into Mr Devido’s office whilst he's being assaulted by epileptic demons and take your time picking and choosing what's valuable enough for your standards, unaware? Great plan, Vera. I thought you were supposed to be a grand schemer.”

Meanwhile, Vicky went back to humming her little tune. Miranda, who was in the middle of braiding Liam’s hair as he was browsing his phone (a seemingly pure act, if you ignored the fact that he was reading erotic gay smut and she kept rambling on her father’s new murderous conquests), looked up at her and smiled warmly. She soon picked up the few words Vicky sang, and began to sing it too, Liam then unconsciously murmuring them too after a while.

“I am, you ungrateful toad,” Vera snapped in the meantime. “Would you be paying attention to anything else around you if you were being grinded on by demons having seizures?”

Brian seemed to mull it over, then he said, “You’ve got a point.”

Polly, who had her head laid in Oz’s lap (poor Oz was trying to do homework, and ignore the heinous acts his friends were planning to commit) and her feet were resting in Scott’s lap (Scott was just chewing on a football, only to stop, look up, and smile adorably at everybody) and was complaining loudly at how bored and sober she was, and how she hadn't got completely wasted in seven hours.

“Seven hours!” She cried out, either to Oz or Scott, but it might as well of been no one, because no one was really listening. “That's the longest I've ever been without drugs and adrenaline coursing through my undead body! Can you imagine? And it's because I'm hanging out with you borings fuckheads. I mean, I'm literally in the lap of somebody doing fucking homework. I haven't even said the word ‘homework’ in centuries. And I'm not even on Oz’s lap in a sexual way so what even is the fucking point–?”

“–And you had fifteen minutes to spend with me or your friends?”

<!— more —>

“What the fuck are you singing?!” Damien roared at Liam, who jerked in alarm, Miranda, who just grinned evilly, and Vicky, who just rolled her eyes at his drama. “It’s going to make me go insane!”

“More insane than you already are?” I prompted, not being able to help myself.

Damien’s scorching eyes turned to me, and I snickered. He’s so easy to piss off.

“Amira,” he growled at me, “tell Vicky and company to shut the fuck up. They respect you for some reason.”

“It’s because she has really fucking good music taste,” Polly answered for Damien. “Like, it’s seriously good.”

Everyone collectively nodded, and I blushed.

“Wow guys,” I said, feeling this was a good time to talk about Rex Orange County’s new album, “it’s not that–”

“What would you guys do if you had fifteen minutes left in life?” Scott blurted, a troubled (yet absolutely adorable) expression on his face.

“I'd probably try to fuck up the world even more,” Polly said immediately, grinning at the thought. “I think I'd try to burn down everything, spray some secret concoction to get people incredibly horny, watch them get at it as they're burning to death, and I plan to do this all while riding a donkey casually.”

“To be honest, I'd probably try to finish this first and foremost,” Liam said, holding up his phone. Then he smiled goofily. “This shit is good.”

“Would you spend it with me and friends?” Scott said, wide-eyed.

Polly and Liam looked at him, at his vulnerable face, and I knew what they were going to say before they said it.

“Of course!” Polly said enthusiastically. “Yeah, doing all that with you guys would make it even more rad!”

“Yeah,” Liam added, but then blushed in that cute, shy way. “But I don’t know how much you guys would love reading this with me.”

“I’d love doing everything with you both,” Scott grinned, his mood instantly picking up, as Polly choked at the statement. He then turned to look at Damien and Oz.

“How about you two?” Scott queried, and I laughed a bit about how Damien’s face scrunched up as he started to think about. No doubt he was using his maximum brain power.

“To be honest, I’m probably the one who is ending the world,” Damien remarked, and everyone started to nod their heads in agreement. “So, sorry about that in advance.”

“I’d probably have to finish this Monsters' History homework first,” Oz said, gesturing awkwardly at his essay he was writing out, “and then I’d probably straighten up all my debts and then–”

“Oh my Satan, Oz, shut it,” Damien said, massaging his temples, as if Oz’s statement caused him physical harm. “It makes me sad, that you would say that. And it also makes me impeccably annoyed with you. And now I feel hostile.”

“When do you not feel hostile, though?” Vicky and I said at the same time, and then we grin at each other and high five.

Damien glared at us, whilst Oz is quick to defuse the fire.

“Well, sorry Damien, but I'm just being honest,” he said quickly, drawing Damien’s attention to him (which is kinda ballsy, if I do say so myself). “But what I do know,” Oz continued bravely, under Damien's smouldering gaze, “is that I wouldn't mind ending the world with you, Damien.”

It's hilarious, seeing Damien’s naturally red face get even redder, and to see Oz realise what he just said and sputter innocently. Vera, however, is not pleased.

“Oh,” she said, sniffing in jealous offence (that takes me all the willpower I possessed not to burst into giggling fits, and I could see I wasn't the only one struggling there, because Polly was just barely keeping it down), “I see how it is. You would destroy the world with Damien, but not with me, Oz?”

“What? No! Of course I would want to do everything with you–” and then Oz’s voice died and Polly finally lost it, which made me burst as well, and the next thing you know Vicky was also giggling along with us. Even Brian seemed to be smirking.

Vera glared at us, which made Vicky and me shut up, and Brian just lost his amused expression naturally, but Polly was undeterred.

“For the record,” Damien said in a weird, insecure, shy tone that made him sound like an entirely different person. “I don't, you know, mind doing homework or whatever nerdy stuff with you, Oz.”

And now Brian was the one sputtering.

“Oh you fucking snot,” he spat, and both Damien and Oz flinched before they could get any more flustered (watching those two try to interact and connect was the funniest shit ever, everyone agreed). “So when I asked for you to hang out with me when I was doing my homework, do you remember what you told me? You told me to get fucked!”

Was it just me, or did Brian genuinely sound hurt? It must've not only been me, because Scott started to pout and put a gentle (albeit big and hairy) hand on Brian’s shoulder, which at least made Brian relax at his touch a bit (if anyone had the power of friendship at their fingertips, it was Scott). Even Liam looked up, vaguely distraught.

“That was only because you had Liam and Miranda over,” Damien, sniffing indignantly. “And if I went, I knew you wouldn't stop making heart eyes at Miranda, so I blew it off to commit tax fraud with Amira. But if you really wanted me to come, then you should've just, you should've just–”

Damien looked at a loss.

“Told him how you really felt?” Vicky prompted, and Damien snapped his fingers.

“Yes!” He exclaimed. “That.”

“What would you do then, Brian and Vera? If you had fifteen minutes?” Miranda asked this time, her eyes shining with curiosity.

“Spend all the millions I’ve earned to hire a gang and assassinate anyone who had ever crossed me,” Vera said without hesitating. “Then, I shall have them skinned and made into fabulous purses. And then I will sell those purses to earn me even more money, and use that to buy us all really expensive, furnished mansions, with servants and multicultural cuisines and everything, so we can live the rest of our lives in absolute luxury.”

Awww. That was actually quite adorable. Vera cares about our lifestyles too!

“And you plan to do this all in fifteen minutes?” Liam asked, deadpan.

“You'd be surprised at how efficient I am,” Vera sniffed, but I didn't think I'd actually be that surprised.

“Definitely not hang out with Damien,” Brian sniffed sourly after Vera had shared. “I guess try to finish off ransacking the new substitute’s office with horny epileptics with Vera. And then, I don't know. Relax and await my death.”

“Well, that's fucking depressing,” Polly murmured to me. “And I didn't know I was capable of getting depressed.”

I snorted. Was she still astounded about how somber Brian was?

“Wouldn't you still have to hang out with Damien to continue your plan with the horny epileptics, though?” Liam asked.

“Well, yeah, fine,” Brian said, not making eye contact with his demon friend (who was trying to make eye contact with him, and honestly, it was shocking how much Brian and Damien got into their own squabbles). “But I don't have to talk to him. That can be Vera’s job.”

“I'm not being your owl!” Vera hissed at him, and she actually hissed. Her small green snakes on her head did too, showing how much she detested the idea.

“What if you were paid?” Miranda queried, probably just out of curiosity, but Vera’s hissing ceased immediately.

Before Vera could discuss any specifics, Vicky butted in.

“I’ve thought about this one,” she said smugly, and no one was surprised. Number one, Vicky had thought about scenarios for everything. And number two, she probably would've thought of this before if she knew the song beforehand. “I would make it my life's goal to find the tastiest flavour of ice cream in all the dimensions! And once I find that ice cream, I will use a device that I would have Calculester make me, that clones the ice cream! And then I will bring all the ice cream back to this dimension and invite all of you guys over and we can eat the ice cream together!”

Everyone seemed to enjoy that idea, except one frowning ghost.

“Um, hello?” Polly asked, raising a hand and gesturing to herself. “Did you forget about me?”

“Of course not!” Vicky exclaimed emotionally. “Caculester is now working on a device that makes food into incorporeal substance that you can digest, Polly. Because, seriously, it breaks my heart that you can't eat. It really does.”

Polly seemed satisfied enough with that answer.

“How did you get Calculester to do that for you?” I ask.

Vicky winked. “Let's just say I turned on my unwavering charm to that library computer. And he didn't stand a chance.”

“If I had fifteen minutes left, I would want to be coronated,” Miaranda said, poshly. “I would invite you all to my coronation, of course. And then once I am mermaid queen I will throw an amazing national party for all of us to enjoy, whilst forcing my endless numbers of slaves to fight each other to the death for our entertainment! Oh, I can see it all coming together!”

Miranda’s expression turned dreamy, which was cute but also quite disturbing since she was thinking about bloodshed. Damien started to nod in approval, though. He seemed to like the idea. Bloody royals.

“I would want to take all of you to the park, where we can have a picnic, and hold hands, and give each other gifts to show how much we care for one another!” Scott said, his tail wagging happily. “And then we can sing songs and die happy with each other, knowing that we love us!”

Scott was so adorable, everyone looked misty-eyed. Vicky leapt up to wrap her arms around Scott, her affection for him seeming to be too overwhelming for her (Scott didn't complain, though). Brian was smiling, and seemed to forget about his brief argument with Damien, because now they were both grinning at each other. Liam was even beaming.

“Ew,” Vera finally said. “I can't believe you all liked that.” She pointed a finger at Scott. “Say that again and you will give me diabetes. I just hope you know that.”

But we all knew she secretly liked the sodding friendship story Scott came up with.

“What's diabetes?” Scott said, bushy eyebrows creasing.

“How about you, Amira?” Oz piped up, and all eyes were suddenly on me. “You haven't said what you would do.”

I mulled it over for a bit, but then spoke up without there being much mental contest.

“Probably make you all listen to the new Rex Orange County playlist,” I said, and Vicky and Damien sniggered.

“You're so predictable,” Vicky giggled.

“What can I say?” I shrug, breaking into a smile too. “My reputation precedes me.”

We all sit there in contented silence for a bit, just enjoying and treasuring one another.

“There's just one problem,” I said, drawing everyone's attention again. “How would we plan to do all of what we all want to do in fifteen minutes? Seems impossible.”

Brian started to smirk, and then Miranda started to smile, and soon Polly was also grinning.

“We’d figure it out,” Brian said. “I bet we would. We've already done so many impossible things in our weirdass lifetimes.”

I shared a smile with him.

“Yeah,” I said finally. “Fifteen minutes is nothing for us.”

[mosscoveredclown]

I'm always distraught when my friends talk about how their parents treated them in their childhood, and the traumas that spurred from it. those traumas still haunt most of them to this day

my family wasn't perfect (passive aggressive grandma, temporary abusive stepfather, etc), but compared to my peers, they were pretty close. my grandpa taught me to laugh off the world's attacks on me, how to be kind and compassionate but still be assertive in your boundaries. how to find comfort in the simple things, and that sometimes just sitting quietly in a room with someone you love can be just as warm as a deep conversation. my uncle taught me not to take shit, that Of Course The World Sucks But Here's What You Can Do To Make Your World Better. my aunt has taught me that I was worth every ounce of love and understanding that I put out.

and most importantly, my mom taught me-- and is still teaching me-- that adults (here meaning roughly 30+) are just as capable of progress as the children and adolescents they preach to about 'personal growth'.

most adults will prattle off advice and lectures about how young people need to work on themselves while ignoring the fact that they have issues too.

ever since I started therapy in my freshman year of highschool, my mom has grown alongside me, learning more about how to understand my needs and help me through my issues instead of yelling and trying to Fix It, or even gaslighting me. now all my friends call her Mom, because she's come so far so fast to break her generational trauma that my friends find comfort in her, even if it's only the slightest bit when she greets them with kind words and an affectionate smile.

TLDR; i guess what I'm rambling on about is, if parents made the effort to change and grow and understand their kids, even if their kids are adults now, there is literally so much potential for healing.

breaking the cycle of generational trauma is so important, and I can honestly say that treating kids with the patience and understanding you wish you'd been treated with at that age will work wonders

it's weird how when a child screams they don't feel loved at home and don't feel safe around their family, the first thing that a parent might do is list the number of things they have done for their child instead of asking themselves what made their child feel that way. parents aren't supposed to be strict and feared. when a child walks into this world, they are naive and parents are supposed to be the home and safe space the child looks for when they need help or when things get messed up instead of going "my parents will kill me for this". by engraving your fear into your child's mind, you are just making sure that they to lie to you. i don't know what kind of cruelty we are forcing onto generations by making them fear their own parents. how would they learn love when they never knew what it is? and in a world so cruel and unkind, love is the most important thing we need. not fear.

Parents scare the hell out of their children and then have the audacity to ask "why you put your friends on such a pedestal". well maybe because they taught me love and maybe you should learn how to parent. you can begin from going to therapy and getting your traumas and misconceptions resolved.

[battinsonrobert-archivess]

morning ramble that may not make any sense because i am not about to proof read this shit at all.

basically, delphine's story would come first because her and richie are cloud and ama's parents and they are the clue print to everything that goes on in cloud and ama's life. and when richie dies, that's the beginning of cloud's story. and when delphine gives ama away to rita, that's the beginning of ama's. cora is raised by irena, and is like, raised to be like delphine - which will piss delphine off - but that's not valid until later. so we'll ignore that. i basically scrapped the idea of sara all-together because she just doesn't fit into any of this.

then alexander and cloud both will be part of hysteria, instead of their stories being separate. which i'm probably re-naming to the palms; because it sounds better. and like, i love the idea of alexander saving cloud when they're the same age, and he time travels for the first time, and she dies for the first time, opposed to it being a him saving her when he's older. because it's just so much cooler this way. plus, there's the whole "we've known each other since we were younger, but you never liked me like that so i never made a move" thing for them thing going on by the time they hit university.

so like in wysteria univeristy (i might change the name of that too) when cloud starts dating that paul and he ultimately kills her, and alexander brings her back to life by accident, there's the whole random conversation he and claudia have where they're both like "oh? you've been in love with me since forever? woah me too?" and it's the worse time to have a conversation becos cloud can't remember who killed her and alex doesn't know how he brought her back to life. and at first her friends, rachel and robin, think he did it since he found her and she's eating his entire kitchen. anyways, the girls go on a whole revengecapade on the guys who've wronged them in order to find out who killed cloud and eventually they they go back to thinking it's alex because paul manipulated them into getting them to think it was him, when it wasn't. and alex is distraught because he'd never. and like yeah, he'd never. and cloud believes him and the girls turn on paul, and rae ends up accidentally killing paul aka her first kill. and oddly enough, this first kill leads rae to kill more people over time, and eventually in other stories this is a plot line.

then in the before, cloud and alexander end up getting married, but their powers are what the big obstacle is in this story. from their wedding being nearly ruined due to alexander disappearing during it and coming back a year later, to their daughter going missing. just a lot of shit happens. i haven't like planned this particular story.

bury me deep though is what i want to rework to the fullest but i'm having a hard time. like i know it's retrofuturistic neon noir meets paranormal and powers......but honestly i keep changing my mind. and the dream i had gave me an idea but i don't know how i feel about it. so i'm trying to work out that. so until i do, i can't really work on bury me deep, morgue than words, love and war, or brain dead. sdkjfskdhfskdf like i am so conflicted on what i want to do or if it even makes sense. i also am not sure if 'alternate worlds alternate people' and 'sweet spot' are part of this universe. sdjhdskf so i'm stuck as fuck.

i'm rambling for myself so i can remember this. future self, if you're reading this, remember. figure your shit out please.

lol i had a cool dream and now i want to scrap my wip original ideas all together and redo them sdkjfsdkdj

why i be this way?